


A Taste of Osiris

by SkiiDiesu



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, Flashbacks, Gen, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:14:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25498198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkiiDiesu/pseuds/SkiiDiesu
Summary: Fareeha's been going to therapy for a few months now to express her trauma and PTSD from her army days...This therapy session, she ends up facing a reality she's been ignoring for a long time and there's no turning back from it.
Relationships: Fareeha "Pharah" Amari/Angela "Mercy" Ziegler
Comments: 9
Kudos: 23





	A Taste of Osiris

Soft rays of sunshine rested on the backs of Fareeha’s hands as she idly sat on the soft single chair in front of the auburn desk. The brightly lit room lingered with nothing but the stagnant aura of empty promise. Picture frames filled with diplomas dressed the walls and plants decorated the bookshelves. Rumor has it that this place is supposed to be a “safe zone” where you could whisper your nefarious schemes and sins without the judgemental eyes of a jury. Yet no matter what is said about this place, it always felt like the opposite of progress. 

“You’ve been coming to these therapy sessions for quite some time now, Fareeha. I’m in no position to rush you, but perhaps it’s time we gave it a try? Your initial reason for coming to me was to talk about a nightmare and your flashbacks. We haven’t touched on it since our sessions started. How about we begin to open up about this… ‘Osiris’ you keep mentioning?”

Fareeha’s dulled brown orbs dropped down to the tiny therapeutic zen garden that rested on the desk. The happy family photos that sat next to it gave her a suffocating, empty feeling. The smiling child in the photo being embraced by the arms of the mother made her wonder about her own life along with the path she’d chosen. Refocusing her mind on the garden, her fingers didn’t bother to grab the little rake though they itched to create circles in the white sand. The intense imagery of her repetitive nightmare was beginning to force into the same space as the sand circles without offering an escape for peace. A faint sigh left her lips. Unsure of where to even begin, perhaps if she just spoke, it’ll work itself out. Normally, writers would jot down a load of junk until it forms into a thought or idea, maybe her stories and memories could do the same vocally. 

“I suppose… The nightmare is a mixture of my country’s mythology and a flashback to a mission I barely survived… The organization _Overwatch_ was trying to come back into the scene so my agency allowed some of their members to join us on a mission as assistance. That’s all it was supposed to be: Medical support. _Overwatch_ wasn’t on good terms with the rest of the world for us to be in public relations with them but… There was a benefit to working with a shadow organization. Nowadays, I don’t remember what that benefit actually was. I barely remember that day. The mission, how many people were there, how many people got injured… It’s just a fuzzy ball of shapeless colors. I can’t recall most of it but what I can remember haunts me nearly every night of my life…” Fareeha pushed a hand into her jet black strands, a dazed look taking over her face as she tried to recall the forsaken event.

_“Pharah, report your fuel status.”_

_“Near E… I can return to base if I can regula- AGH!”_

_Fareeha offered the idea too soon. A sudden pain speedily pierced through the woman’s stomach... A gasp involuntarily ripping from her throat coated with pure agony. Her focus shattered as a hand instinctively reached to clamp down to where the pain soared on her side. Barely seeing the bullets zip past her face, the deafening whiz of the sniper bullets caused her to squeeze her eyes shut. Hearing a bullet graze against her helmet, she flinched as another penetrated her royal blue jet pack. With her fuel so low, the impact missed the vital points that would cause an explosion, giving her a moment of grace. With wound concentration and no suit control, her body plummeted out of the sky. Dark brown orbs widened as she realized her team was too far away to notice what occurred before her body slammed into the Mediterranean Sea._

_Fareeha braced herself for impact, gasping to gather as much oxygen into her lungs as fast as possible. The impact between her body and waves compromised her vision, sparking outbursts of vibrant oranges and pinks before she was swallowed by bubbles of air and foam. The ambient color faded to a murky green as it became denser around her. Short strands of hair drifted around her face, her signature gold beads tapping against her skin as if Sobek was trying to keep her conscious. Batting her eyes against the water, she gave a little squint before she felt that the first wave of pain strike through her bones. Her hand slapped over her bleeding stomach once more, applying as much pressure as she could against the penetrated metal. Had she released upon impact? There was no recollection in her mind when she had let go but that was the only plausible answer._

_Sinking to the bottom of the sea with zero means of defense meant despite her pain, she had to be on the look-out. With a dense shark population and other dangerous sea-life, she could only hope for Horus’ protection. As she looked around, the only signs of life were a few fishes that scurried away from her in fear and some seagrass. Their movement was too fast for her eyes to follow where they swam towards; that’s when the lightness of her head became apparent. The ocean moved on its own, but through her eyes, it felt like she was in a whirlpool with how rapidly everything was spinning. Yet, Fareeha forcefully reminded herself that she couldn’t linger in these waters with blood pouring through her fingers. Limited air, limited strength, limited time._

_The first thing she had to do was detach the disabled jets from the rest of her. It was only going to weigh her down and cause her to bleed out quicker. Her available hand allowed her to pull the hidden clasp over each shoulder to decouple the clunks of metal, letting them fall to the bottom of the sea before she started to push herself to swim upwards. Swimming up possibly meant two hands… So cautiously, she let go of her bleeding side and took long strides, legs gently kicking her body toward the sun. It wasn’t long before a sharp pain stopped her from paddling, causing her to grip her side again before some bubbles forced their way out her mouth. Closing her eyes tightly, she scolded herself: ‘Don’t breathe, you’ll die..’_

_Ignoring the sound of her heartbeat threatening her_ _life with slow thumps in her ears, she tried to get back to swimming; but she was being weighed down. With a bullet in her side, it was hard to remember the basics of what to do when drowning. Forcing her knees through the water, she unequips the leg armor first, fingers fumbling at each tightly adjusted clasp. Once those popped off, it was then her arms which felt even harder to undo, but she managed. With all the weapons and armor off, she could feel the last bit of air she was holding onto leaving her. An accidental gasp won over her lungs and water rushed down her throat to fill in the space. She coughed out water bubbles, her hands quickly clasping over her mouth. ‘Osiris, guide Angela to safety, please…”_

_How much longer could she endure this? She could feel her lungs burning with the water that jammed into her throat, her side was throbbing, and her head was still dancing a mile a minute. Overwhelmed by it all, she could barely see the sunshine through the surface. Was there even hope? Taking a second to steady herself, she slowly moved her hands over to her chest plate. The locks were extremely difficult to loosen. Her fingers tugged against the metal clasps, trying to pry it open to no avail. Her frustration grew. Giving up for a brief moment, her arms swished across the dense water as she tried to look around for something, anything. Of course, she was met with nothing. The underwater realm only got darker and murkier to her. Slipping her fingers back across her chest plate, she fumbled just once more before the two pieces of metal fell apart from each other. Shoving the heavy metal away, she didn’t bother to watch it drift, instead, she started kicking her feet, and pushed her hands through the waves towards the surface again._

_With only a few paddles, Fareeha’s vision had begun fading. Being under the water for so long, harvesting the bits of water that slipped down her throat— it was getting to her. Everything was darkening much faster, but it wasn’t the water that was changing color. She could feel herself becoming light-headed, her wound no longer being her main source of pain, but the water in her lungs. She felt her hair push past her face, the golden beads tapping at her attention once more. Her mother had gifted them to her a long time ago to remind her that a woman could be tough and still express femininity the way she deemed powerful. ‘Osiris, watch over my reckless mother after this…’ She thought somberly._

_Feeling her body start to drift back down, the lightest spot of sunlight flashed into her blurred view. Why was her soul giving up? She had a life to get back to. Osiris wasn’t going to watch over her mother. It was going to be her. Nobody but her. A random shot of adrenaline shifted through her veins, lacing around her stomach and her mind refocused with determination to fight for her life... She kicked her legs again, her arms pumping to push her upwards trying to shove the sea that embraced her so tightly away. Yet the harder she fought, the fire that burned through her stomach outweighed the rush of adrenaline she was trying to chase. She was too deep in the water to catch a rhythm, feeling the pressure of the sea trying to intrude in her throat again. Was she running out of air already? The urgency to get out was ringing loudly with her heartbeat in her ears. Her brown orbs could almost see the top. His vision might have been compromised but she could see her darkness becoming just a little bit lighter. Closer… She had to be getting closer right?_

_All she needed was a little bit of air and she could make it out just fine._

_As her arms tried harder to push the sea beneath her, she noticed she was going nowhere. Wasting energy, her panic had caused her to stay in the same spot, unable to move. All she had done was trigger her wound to bleed more. Slowly stopping her hard pushing, she watched the softer colored water drift once more into the murky depths. The desperation her heart had to get out faded to acceptance for her truth._

_As she drifted back under, a hard cough left her lips as her body forced her to take oxygen; bubbles spurting out her throat as her throat was overcome instantly. A space that needed to be occupied. She shook her head, her body forcing her to cough to push the water out which only caused a gasp that pulled more water in. Over and over with her hands grasping at her throat, choking herself as if it would somehow stop the water from its forceful entry. It was only a matter of seconds until she was no longer able to fight. Her movement involuntarily came to a halt as her sight began to fade into the pitch-black that was the sea. Her eyes batted against the water, unclear of what was around her. Unable to breathe, there was no more space left in her body for the sea to take comfort in. It filled her lungs to the max along with any other opening it could find. The bullet hole on her side had suddenly become numb and her head was consumed with final thoughts of Angela along with her mother. Regrets she never thought about until now, opportunities she passed up, places she’d never been to… A faint list played in her head as her body fell into a pit of draining life. One of the things Angela loved the most about her was her warmth. Soon, she wouldn’t be able to keep the angel safe in her arms._

_Perhaps, if she had to die, this would be the best way. She wouldn’t be dying in front of anyone. No one saw her fight and struggle to keep her life only to fail. More importantly, no one would have to watch her give up. Her eyes fell shut as she enjoyed the light feeling she felt floating down. A small smile came to her face as she thought about the feeling of freedom when she flew across the sky, dancing with clouds. Gravity didn’t define her, and her chest was always tight with anticipation. The world was hers from way above. But… As she was sinking, she still felt open and free as if she was flying._

_The thoughts that haunted her the most were all regrets. Treating little moments she shared with Angela with more care, not getting over silly little fights more quickly, and taking her out more when she had the chance… Then there were the thoughts about her mom. More silly arguments she should’ve gotten over more quickly. Maybe listen to her mother's advice once in a while instead of trying to be brave like her. Well, Fareeha knew she was brave. Who else could save a child from a terrorist and still be that same terrorist to a different child? A soldier was filled with good and bad deeds. The walking contradictions they shouldered. It changed her as a person. Would it be honorable to the gatekeepers of the underworld? Would Anubis deem her as helpless and damned? Would Osiris see her as worthy? How would the other Gods see her? Eyes closed tightly as she tried to control her emotions, she could feel the last of her energy being wasted on not weeping._

_‘Osiris…’ She whispered mentally, praying._

_The King of the Underworld, God of the Dead. She was ready to be taken by his hands. Her reason for not being able to swim out and carry on her duties meant one thing: It was her time. Every other life-threatening situation she crawled out of meant her mission was incomplete. Up until now, everything she’s done in life, everything she’s accomplished and failed, her sins and graces would all be judged. For all the children she failed to save, all the families she’d broken up, and all the unethical shameful moments she hid will be brought to light. In this dying moment, all she could remember were her wrongs._

_‘Osiris’…’ She repeated mentally. As the stillness swallowed her, darkness fell over her vision, and her body had eased to being completely motionless. Feeling her heart slowing to a soft beat, barely pumping, about to stop, she counted to seconds in her head. In a matter of those seconds, her world of pitch-black abruptly shun a bright white. With confusion taking over what should be a resting mind, she felt her soul being ripped through time. There was nothing for her to grab on to as her world changed rapidly to a pure white shooting through her iris’, heart feeling like it just had a jump start. With a hard gasp, all the water from her lungs had been alleviated..._

Fareeha’s brown eyes pulled away from the window she’d come to stare out of as she spoke her story. Looking back at the therapist who had been watching her talk silently, she couldn’t quite grasp the emotion that was hiding behind those eyes. Her fingers tapped at the sand in the little zen garden that was still in front of her. When had she started pushing the sand around with the tips of fingers? Honestly, she could not recall. Her mind was focused on the distant pain in her side and the burning in her lungs as she recalled the memory of her death.

“I know what it feels like to die… I’ve tried to find words to express it but I can’t grasp them properly. You think about everything all at once, assume the worst in your judgment. There comes a moment where you just accept you’re going to die, and you do. To have that ripped from you, forcing life back into you and disturbing your rest- it’s so unsettling. People think getting woken up suddenly is annoying, but getting ripped from death is utterly miserable. To relive the death over and over in dreams, in certain conversations, during a specifically weathered day, or visiting a place that resembles where you took your last breath...” Taking a deep breath, she forced herself back into her body. Blinking away the spaced area she slipped into, she covered her eyes, slowly dragging a hand down her face with a soft sigh leaving her lips.

“I suppose the most disturbing part of it all was…”

_The loud steady beep of a heart monitor beeping made Fareeha’s eyes slowly open. Overwhelmed by the bright white light, she shut them tightly, her brows drawing in with confusion and irritation. Exhaustion aches through every crevice of her body, bones feeling heavy while muscles screamed about how sore they felt. Faintly, she could hear the call of her name echoing in the back of her mind. Unable to pull her attention, she blinked a few more times, eyes trying to search through the lights._

_“Fareeha… It’s your mother… You’re okay now… You hear me? You’re okay ...”_

_Her head tossed side to side, eyes batting straining to see the woman that called to her. She couldn’t register the language spoken to her. It wasn’t Arabic… Or was it? She couldn’t make it out. Her voice caught in her throat made her unable to ask for the person to speak again. It took a few more blinks before she could start making out some shapes around her. Wasn’t she supposed to be dead? All of the sudden reminders of her battle against Sobek gave her an indication she was more than alive._

_“M-ma..?”_

_“Yes, Hayati. Don’t push yourself.”_

_Once Fareeha’s eyes adjusted, the sound of her heart monitor drove a fear through her chest. With this familiar touch being pushed against her palm, she curled her fingers tightly around the hand that held hers, slowly making eye contact with a beautiful shade of pale skin. For a moment, a sense of security wrapped around Fareeha’s mind, eager to look up at the beautiful angel’s face. That security was quickly replaced with a death-striking fear causing her heart to stop for a few seconds before it began to pound rapidly in her chest. Hyperventilating suddenly, she shook her head quickly as she registered what she was really seeing. The medical instrument tracking her heart rate began screaming through the quiet white room, begging for attention. Holding onto the hand that held her tightly, she refused to let them go out the assumption that if she let go, she would experience dying all over again._

_“Osiris!” Fareeha exclaimed in sheer panic, the strain in her throat raising awareness to another pain she suddenly felt. Brown eyes watched in horror as who was supposed to be Angela was replaced with her love wearing a death mask. The charcoal black and snow white mask seemed to have a golden hue shining behind it which caused Fareeha to stir uncomfortably. It was almost breathtaking to see it in person but such an unnerving feeling of the inevitable being stared at you point-blank was paralyzing. Was this a mockery to her religion? Angela would never. But why was this angel wearing something so sacred? Was this a confirmation she actually was dead?_

_Amid her consuming thoughts of being face to face with Osiris, her body had another plan: To get her out of there. She’d been pushing her blankets off, shoving the other’s hands aside, refusing to let the pairs of hands hold her down. How could she stay next to someone so dangerous? Doesn’t matter how beautiful, or how sweet they were… The God of the Underworld was not someone to become friends with. “I have to sedate her.” Was the last thing she heard before she felt a sharp thin stab against her arm. It didn’t take long for her eyes to become heavy and her body fell back into a deep slumber._

A gentle laugh left Fareeha’s lips as she shook her head. “It was like I was staring at him in the face… But he was disguised as the woman I love…”

“I don’t know anything about Osiris. Who is he?”

“An Egyptian God. The God of Death and King of the Underworld to be exact. He controls resurrection, fertility, life, and death. It’s ancient mythology really. I was raised by my mother who taught me the beliefs of those Gods.”

“You mentioned a few others.”

“There are thousands of them, most being deities.” 

“Do you still have faith in those Gods and Deities?”

“I do. I mean... I sleep next to one every night of my life. I’d be an idiot to give it up.”

“What do you mean?” The therapist asked, head tilting with curiosity.

“Angela is beyond your ordinary doctor. She can control life and death without any consequences to her own life. She can keep you alive in the middle of a battle, help you overcome any sickness, heal any wound, no matter how close to death you are. She’ll tell you she does it from the love in her heart and wanting to help people so they don’t have to go through pain. She’ll tell you how she dedicated her whole life to it, and how she went to school to learn how to save lives. But the power she has simply because of her knowledge is not human at all. Creating technology that others can’t replicate to bring people good health is beyond the human mind. Any of the research she’s done has made her paranoid and picky about who can see it -- which no one has seen it. She feels like her hands are the only hands that are fit for this technology and knowledge to be in. She hates fighting, dislikes death, and wants harmony yet she gets to control who lives and who dies. She’ll save someone whom she deems worthy to live over someone else. She’s a bit complicated like that. Here’s an example: helping the poor before the rich is a humble thing, right?”

“I supposed that might be correct…”

“Does that also go for human life? We’ll get into arguments and she’ll call me unethical for breaking up a family when it’s my orders, but she willingly chooses who gets to live or die. For instance, one time we were deployed to Kings Row to help the citizens there recover from an omnic attack. She cared for the people that were in the emergency medical center. Later on in the evening, we went to a meeting for the upper class. This man approached her… He was dying of cancer and heard that she could help. Simply because of his money, she turned him away and told him to find another doctor. She lied and said there wasn’t anything she could do to help him even though she brought back multiple dying people just a few hours earlier that had underlying health issues like cancer, and other diseases. It’s sick to me. Selfish too. She won’t share her technology with anyone because she doesn’t think anyone else could make the “proper” judgment call the way she can. She thinks she's the only one who could make those calls.” A heavy sigh slipped from Fareeha as she slowly shook her head with disbelief.

“There was once a doctor who tried to imitate her work and that doctor failed. Angela looks at her with this desire to kill but because she has that facade of ‘I don’t kill’, she won’t act on it. She didn’t help that doctor or their patient back to health… She let two people suffer from a painful illness. The doctor’s patient now lives in limbo. He’s not dead or alive. His cells die and regenerate at a rapid pace but can’t live long enough to sustain an actual form. The doctor suffers a lot of pain from trying to recreate technology to bringing people back to life, and instead now, depends on killing people to sustain life. Punishing the doctor is one thing… But the patient? It’s not his fault the doctor was trying to save his life. He’s stuck as a dead man walking and the doctor can’t fix him or her.”

“You believe she should fix the other doctor’s mistake?”

“As a woman who advocates peace for everything, I know by her moral standards, she should. She knows life is a basic human right... But she denied a victim's basic right to being the human he was.”

“I see where you’re coming from now.” 

A defeated look took over Fareeha’s face as her shoulders dropped. Holding her hands together tightly, she felt an overwhelming sense of loneliness take over. “I love her, doc. Don’t get me wrong. I just don’t know where that’s going to take me. She is a God in some way… I’m just not sure if she’s Osiris or a part of his plan. I’m scared to think that she might be something as powerful as him since she walks away without any consequences. She gifted me with my life back, but dying brings a whole different aspect of what life is to a person. Accepting that I was going to be resting forever and being forced back when I was ready to go messed with my head so much. I hear whispers every night. I see people I’ve never seen before. There is always something lurking in my room telling me things I don’t want to know. When I’m away from her, I feel better but it feels like she’s still watching me. Nothing feels the same anymore. Her bringing me back has forced me to this secret life of servitude to express gratitude. But living now… It feels like I’m suffering.”

Silence fell between them. Fareeha pulled her fingers apart from each other, getting out of her seat and walking over to the window. Rolling her neck, she closed her eyes for a moment as she took a slow steady inhale to try and relax. “I can’t really explain it. If I’m honest, I don’t want advice for this either. You’re going to put me on new meds or get me evaluated. I probably need it too. All I know is what I’ve learned over the past year; science and religion meet hand in hand. A woman who can resurrect someone back to life after more than a couple of minutes is not a natural human being. Especially when no one else in the whole world can replicate it or get close to it. And the one person that got close to it was punished severely, forced to suffer in agony every day. Leaving an old comrade to circle between life and death… It’s not humane to let people suffer when you can fix it!. Why would you leave someone like that? As a doctor, how could you leave people to suffer like that?” 

Peering over her shoulder at her therapist, she felt exhausted trying to express her newfound disdain towards the angel. Secretly, Angela was controlling and unsafe to be around, but her projection was health care and safety. And everybody, including Fareeha herself, loved her for her bravery. The silence of her therapist lingered between them. It was clear he was trying to form a thought to everything she admitted to. Normally, she would talk about how she loved Angela, and the good qualities about her, her saving graces, and her favorite things. This was a different side to their story that was so well hidden but finally bubbled to the surface. The silence was a reply she was expecting and she wasn’t upset about it. Her nightmare was exposed along with new self-reflection questions she would ask herself when she was alone again. The only thing out of this confession she hoped for was to finally be able to get a peaceful night of sleep.

“Do you still want to be with Angela…?” Her therapist asked finally, almost cautiously.

A dull smile came to the soldier's face, “I will always love her. I owe her my life. I can’t picture myself being without her, but I know recently she’s been a bit bored with me. Our relationship changed because I changed...”

Hearing a soft beep go off, Fareeha pulled herself away from the window back to the chair she had been sitting. Pulling her brown leather jacket up, she draped it over her shoulders, “I think it’s time for your next appointment.”

“Oh…! I didn’t realize the time went by so quickly. I took a few notes but your storytelling was quite immersive. I didn’t get to formulate a proper response for you… Reliving something so vividly such as that and dreaming about it is most definitely draining. How about I do some research and we’ll pick an organic way to handle this nightmare next time we meet?” A soft smile came from the older man's lips and Fareeha could feel her shoulders relaxing at the sight of it. “We’ll get through this together. You’re not crazy, not the way you think you are. As a soldier, it’s common to relive traumatic experiences. Death is no different. I’d like to hear some more stories about your time serving… Maybe write them down in a journal when you’re experiencing something and bring it? You don’t have to but--”

“Actually… I think I will…” Fareeha said softly, nodding ever so slightly. She was warmed to see her therapist grace her with a pleased smile. Perhaps she felt safer now than ever before with him. He didn’t seem to be judging her. 

“I’m glad I’m finally getting the chance to see the real you, Fareeha.”

“…” With a single nod, she took a step backward, giving a final smile. “Thanks for the session, Doc.” 

As her feet glided across the room, she pulled the door open and freed herself of the air that the tiny room held. Once the door was shut, her hand ran a hand into her hair, her back resting against the wooden door. Closing her tired eye, she let out a much needed heavy sigh. Relief washed over her as she settled with the thought of finally being able to move on. There was a single moment of peace easing into the softer parts of her mind. 

Pushing off the door, her feet idly moved her down the hallway to the elevator, clicking the down button. Deep in her heart, she knew she didn't want to live with fear, but thanks to Angela saving her life, she feels like she was bouncing between life and death with a physical form. The soft ding of the door opening caused her to move inside, gazing out the closing door. Thinking back to Kings Row, watching Angela decide who to take care of brought about a sudden realization to Fareeha. Her eyes widened slightly, hands clutching into tight fists.

Out of the names she said today amongst Gods and Deities, she forgot the most important one. While Osiris was a safe thought, and Horus was a protector, Set was balanced. A necessary evil. All this time she thought she was sleeping with a part of Osiris when really she was sleeping with a part of Set.

Forcing herself to pace her breathing, her attention was yanked back to reality as the doors opened to the lobby. The sounds of the busy city outside charmed her feet to move out of the room into the street. With the fresh air pushing through her hair, she looked up the building before her. Her reality had changed once again. 

And home was the last place she wanted to be. 

**Author's Note:**

> **Osiris: God of the Dead and Judge of the Afterlife.
> 
> **Sobek: God of water; lord of marshes, wetlands, and other wet areas/Associated with medicine.
> 
> **Horus (the Younger): God of the Sky, Avenger of Wrongs, Defender of Order, Protector of Royalty.
> 
> **Anubis: God of mummification and afterlife/God of lost souls and the helpless.
> 
> **Set(h): God of war, chaos, storms & pestilence 
> 
> Translation:
> 
> *Hayati: my life


End file.
